So I am onto the 2nd entry. Unfolding and remembering my closet has been very emotional. There is a reason for everything and everything I will try and figure out. As I reflect on my kids at this point, I can’t help but realize just how some of these things I have done as a child, comes out in my son. They say our kids mirror what we do.So this is why I feel it is important to unfold and heal now more than ever.
Now let me unfold a Christmas. The easy bake oven must have come that year. My birthday is Christmas day.Some say it must have been awesome to have a birthday on this day,let us stop with that thought. It was not. So that Christmas, my parents suggested I make my own cake for my birthday, that morning. Sitting here typing this, kinda makes me sad to think, there were no plans..no big cake to celebrate my day? I made the cake in the kitchen with my easy bake oven. I even topped it with sprinkles that came with my set. This was the only birthday I recall as a child. It was not until I got older that I remember my next birthday.
I am kinda jumping ahead a bit. There is some I could cover here. I want to make this entry about why I guess, the holidays can be different for me. We had moved to Bridgetown when I was young. Maybe grade 2. My Dad worked for CP rail. So we moved around a bit for that. But that Christmas I remember, I laid down under the Christmas tree with my baby doll. I laid it in a box with garland from the leftover decorations. To me, it was baby Jesus. I did not recall knowing much about who he was. We attended Sunday school every Sunday in Sydney. I don’t know what I learned there. All that strikes me is being dropped off and picked up.
So this Christmas Eve, I felt there was trouble. My parents were drinking. A lot of fighting and Christmas felt ruined. I curled up with my baby and felt very sick to my stomach. I tried to drift off to sleep. The fighting got intense. I remember my Dad doing something to my Mom and he licked her out. I felt helpless. My Mom was begging to come in..what could I do? Nothing. I don’t remember too much after that as I figured I must of fell asleep. Unfortunately, I don’t remember what that morning was like or even if I got gifts. I do not even remember where my brothers were.
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